I am bored at work. As a result, I'm gonna have some fun writing about my some of my favorite Halloween movies (one of my favorite subjects to blab about, actually). Spoilers throughout. Feel free to begin ignoring immediately.
Inoffensive Halloween FunA brief list of films that you can enjoy along with your favorite 8-year-old. Great for post trick-or-treating relaxation.
The Nightmare Before Christmas - Tim Burton's classic film which seems to constantly test the holiday boundaries . . . is it a Christmas film or a Halloween film? The lovable Jack Skellington (unexpectedly turned Halloween's unofficial mascot via this film), tormented with ennui and self-doubt, takes us on a twisted journey in an attempt to infuse Christmas with a touch of Halloween. The results are humorous, if not downright parabolic. Though turned cliche by a number of mallrat Spooky Kids, one cannot deny The Nightmare before Christmas demonstrates many addictive attributes, including the potential for spontaneous sing-alongs, animation years ahead of its time, and a good amount of smart holiday humor. The shoe in go-to film for any last minute Halloween Party.
Hocus Pocus - An unusually addictive tale of an unfortunate virgin who inadvertently brings to life three evil witches with a close personal relationship to Satan, and an unhealthy taste for childrens' souls. Sometimes surprisingly witty, this film features Thora Birch long before she was a star. Nonetheless, the film is made by Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimu as the trio of saucy, bitter, homicidal witches trying to make sense of a world 300 years ahead of their time.
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown - The timeless Peanuts characters celebrate Halloween, while the ever-faithful Linus skips out on the fun to wait for his beloved Great Pumpkin to rise from the pumpkin patch and shower him with treats. According to my informal research, this film has the SINGLE MOST CULT LINE OF ANY HALLOWEEN MOVIE: "I got a rock."
Downright FrighteningFilms made in the name of pure terror.
Alien - Voted the scariest movie of all time by multiple sources, and with good reasoning. This film introduced a number of horror concepts which it is impossible to imagine life without: the android, the female monster fighting protagonist, and, of course, the chest buster larva. The thought of being trapped in a cramped spaceship with the monster is so terrifying, it makes one question why every haunted house in America doesn't have an Alien themed room. Ah, yes; the sets and monster were intricately designed by H.R. Giger, and nearly impossible to reproduce believably.
Halloween - (The John Carpenter version, though the Rob Zombie remake can be substituted with ADMIRABLY FEW differences outside of character wardrobe.) So far as slasher films go, this is the prototype, and why not? No goofy monsters or fantasy creatures here. An institutionalized mentally ill man escapes from lockdown, hunting innocent people from his former hometown to avenge his mistreatment early in life. Filled with blood, screaming girls, and undoubtedly doomed Austin Powers actor Mike Meyers to a childhood of torment based on his unfortunate name.
House of 1000 Corpses - NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART, VERY GRAPHIC. In the remote area outside of a small Texas town, an urban legend describes Dr. Satan, the ultimate mad scientist who hacked up humans in a series of experiments to create an uber-race of human beings. Four teenagers go to explore the legend, and find something much more frightening: a sadistic backwood farm hiding the secret to where all of Texas's beautiful missing cheerleaders have been. A 2 hour thrill ride of carnage and plot twists, the best part of this film is watching Rainn Wilson before he was a star . . . being hacked to bits!
A Touch of IntellectualismHorror plays prim and proper.
Bram Stoker's Dracula - In this controversial film, Francis Coppola originally set out to tell the classic horror story of Dracula from the female's perspective. Instead, he created a now cult smorgasboard of blood, sensuality, and dizzying cinematography. The film was so overboard and risque that the original uncut version was banned from release in American theatres; believe it or not, the version seen on VHS circa 10 years ago was the watered down edition. As bizarre as it is beautiful, this may be the only film not featuring Keanu Reeves delivering minute after minute of overacted one-liners.
Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and the vermin of the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth what a pig can spit and it goes by the name of London . . ." Benjamin Barker returns to his home country of England with all intentions of becoming a simple barber. Fate has other plans, and he soon finds himself using his beloved razor blades to fulfill a vendetta against the evil judge who stole his wife and daughter. Based on the more whimsical, less bloody Stephen Sondheim musical, this film may set a record for pints of fake blood spilled on a single set.
Le Pacte de Loups - A French Film, released in the U.S. under the title "Brotherhood of the Wolves," this twisted tale of carnivorous madness would probably have been better titled "The Wolf Who Ate Everybody." Two men are hired to hunt and kill a wolf who has been stalking and killing men throughout the French countryside, but in the process are drawn into aristocratic conspiracy, mystic brothels, and a mysterious underground world where nothing is mundane. Hey, did anyone notice that the Native American hunting the big scary wolf is the chairman of Iron Chef America?
Satirical SlayingSome monsters are so terrifying that you want to hide under your seat. Some protagonists are so pragmatic that you can't help but laugh.
Shaun of the Dead - Shaun of the Dead is the clear prototype when it comes to the "comedy-turning-to-horror-turning-to-comedy-turning-to-horror-film". When a plague of the undead begin to carve their way through the countryside, devouring every human in their path, Shaun and his best friend, Ed, would much rather play video games than pay heed. After being unable to deny the danger at hand, they wage war to save their loved ones and their favorite pub from annhialation. If that isn't cool enough, they kill zombies to the music of Queen.
Idle Hands - Possibly plagerized from a certain scene featuring Bruce Campell, teenage stoner Anton finds his hand suddenly posessed by an evil demon. He becomes an terrified bystander as his hand goes on a malicious spree of homicide, before, in desperation, Anton chops off his murderous appendage with a kitchen knife. His plan backfires, however, as his hand is suddenly free to roam the city, killing everyone in its path. The film itself is mediocre, but possibly made great by the ray of hope that Devon Sawa, Eldon Henson, and Seth Green seem to have as much fun making the film as we have watching it.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space - If ever a set of individuals existed who truly analyzed and replicated the full glory of the B movie, it is the Chiodo brothers. Sadly, this film was the only project that they fully wrote and directed together. A small town finds itself in peril when a flying circus tent decends upon the outskirts of the city, and produces a large drove of clowns who have a taste for human flesh. The budget was low, and the acting was ameteur, but the results are hilarious, and, at times, even a bit scary!
Just for LaughsThe scares may be mild, but the humor is generous.
Ghostbusters - 3 scientists fired from a university and an out-of-work religious do-gooder join forces to fight the Supernatural in New York City. The result is 105 minutes of quotable one liners, and an unforgetable marshmallow company mascot.
Dracula: Dead and Loving It - A far cry from the aforementioned Frances Copolla masterpiece, this film, featuring Leslie Nielsen, Mel Brooks and a few members of the recently out-of-work cast of Wings can't seem to decide which is funnier: predictable slapstick humor, or giving poor Peter MacNicol "another enema."
Spaced Invaders - A rebroadcast of Orson Welle's "War of the Worlds" finds a new and unlikely generation of believers: this time a group of 4 wayward martians coming to earth to fight in a battle they believe their people to be dominating. Instead, they learn all about trick-or-treating, carnivals, and how to anger overweight soccer moms.
Thanks for letting me waste your time. I've got about a dozen more categories, if anyone wants to hear more.
