I need a hobby. The constraints are as follows:
- Can't require a ton of time away from my house (my wife already thinks I am at work too much)
- Needs to be gratifying
- Needs ot be something to look forward to (so when I am bored I can think, "I can't wait to do --- when I am done with this"
- Preferably something at which I can quickly gain some basic level of proficiency so that I don't become completely frustrated
- Can't cost a fortune
- Shouldn't require complete isolation (like reading), since I may as well be somewhere else if I am going to just go into a room and be anti-social

Things I have considered: Learning guitar, learning a language, designing a carputer, becoming proficient at photo editing (this one may drive me nuts)

Things I will not consider: working out (while sometimes gratifying, this is not a hobby for me), video games (I enjoy them, but I can't get excited about them)

Please help me!!!!!!!!!

I recommend guitar, but only because I've played for so long. It's great! The learning curve is not that steep(you could be playing several familiar songs within the first week), simple guitars are fairly inexpensive, plus you get to annoy people! The only drawback is that it would require quite a time commitment, especially if you want to be proficient quickly. I would say about half an hour to an hour a day is the least you could get away with.

That's just my opinion, and I am rather biased because I love everything music-related. Take it or leave it.

You could do a hobby with your wife. That way you're not stuck at home, but she doesn't freak out at you for being gone too much. Dancing perhaps? You could learn some sort of Latin dance. Or you could go bicycling together (tandem bike or two regular bikes). I know the upcoming weather in UT isn't so friendly for that idea though.

Thanks for the ideas. The problem with the hobby being done with wifey is that it relies on her wanting to do it as well. I would prefer something I can do on my timeline as opportunites becomes available.

Keep the ideas coming...

Boxing, man. You need to start boxing. Shadow boxing, real boxing, straight out street-fighting. After all, you may one day need to protect your wife and family.

Photography could be sweet. Not only straight photography, but also the digital editing side of things. Get Gimp. Learn Gimp. Love Gimp.

Dogs are a man's best friend. Train the crap out of a dog. Seriously. That could be sweet, too.

Leather crafting? You could make some sweet belts, bracelets, guitar straps, vests, etc?

Scrapbooking. You can be the one who wears the skirt in your relationship.

Home improvement stuff? Install some cool technogadgets like an intercom system and the likes?

Gardening? Herb gardening? Cooking? Pumpkin carving?

Building Anti-Bronos banners?

Crochet.

It is very easy to learn, yarn is very cheap, and winter is coming! Even if you don't need hats, scarves, and blankets, homeless shelters, VAs, and hospitals sure can use some extras!

You can learn it in 5 minutes and do it virtually anywhere!

Crochet, huh? I don't think that is for me, but thanks for the idea. One place you can't do it: airport.

Boxing: This would actually be a lot of fun. Does anyone know of a good boxing gym in Davis County (preferably Layton)?

Home improvement: It could be fun doing something like automating my home, but normal home improvements are annoying. I made a conscious decision to not buy a house that needed work, and a month after moving in, wifey decides it needs to be painted a different color. GEnerally home improvement projects are not very gratifying for me, since they rarely "improve" anything, but just change it.

Gardening: I have the patience of a... hey what's that over there? It looks like asparagus. Asparagus makes you smell funny. Skunks smell funny too, but in a REALLY bad way. They are always getting killed on legacy, which is a shame, because legacy is AWESOME. Yep, I agree with wudda that legacy is great.

GIMP: There might be something to this. We have about 5000 pictures, mostly of Egypt or wildlife, and it could be fun cleaning a few up and making them worthy of printing. Digital cameras rule because it is free to take pics (after the initial investment).

Guitar: Still seems to be the leader in my mind. I already have a guitar, which makes it free to try (again). I wonder when Guitar Rising is going to come out.

Keep the ideas flowing. I really appreciate the input.

Guitar... pick a song. I will teach you song. I will also build you a slowish drum track to practice to. Then send you a faster one. Etc etc etc.

Master the buy-stuff-locally-and-sell-on-eBay thing.

People list tons of stuff on KSL and Craigslist for cheaper than they'd get in a global market because (a) they wanna get rid of the stuff fast and (b) they don't know how to do the eBay thing.

Bridge the gap. Make some bucks.

Master the buy-stuff-on-eBay-and-sell-it-locally trade.

Maybe you could buy big lots of things and sell them for the holidays? I don't know...